I love summertime. Let me make that perfectly clear from the start.
I choose the heat and the pool over the cold and the layers of clothes any day.
I like the decrease in schedule without homework and less carpool schedules, etc. I like having more opportunities to play with my kids and have us all together as a family without the clock always ticking to wrap it up for the early school bell the next day. I love all of this in the perfect world that I picture of all of us moving blissfully and peacefully with no pushback from one happy vacation to another, moving about the home with no arguments, always gracious with one another in our ample time together in and out of the house, and my patience overflowing for my children who I love immensely and am forever grateful for being what keeps me going while I continue my chemotherapy in the midst of it all.
(ERRRRK! Record Scratch! Reality hits… Bubble pops and Mommy’s daydream of summer snaps back into the reality:)
REALITY: Although we have incredible adventures, laughs and have made so many memories this summer on family and friend trips, our times away and at home are full of fun but not without friction in between the good times. And not without the “MOMSTER” rearing her ugly head!
As I laid out my description of my picturesque summer daydream for me and my family. They’re so rudely interrupted by disgruntled siblings arguing over who sat in whose seat, who turned off who’s Alexa song, or even the youngest (4 yr old) who uses her “Alexa voice” to avoid listening to her parents instruction with an “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that.” Ooooooh that one. She’s gonna be the end of me.
This summer has been one to remember for sure! Multiple trips to the beach (My happy place! Or even just my getaway place if all is not perfectly all happy, relaxed, peaceful, blissful, beachy days) made for great pics and memories with family and friends.
Family Beach Trip 2018
RV Trip w the Enks: Key West!
Our Phoebe & her son/puppy, Winston🐾
I always say to seize the day when you can. When I feel good, I get out and enjoy what I can when I can. When my body tells me NO, I try my best to listen and rest when I need to. Do what you can when you can and thank God you woke up to do it. It’s not always pretty, it may not go as perfectly as planned, and you may feel or look a little crazy doing it, but crazy is good, and can still be worth it.
Managing my crazy, managing this family I still am forever blessed to have and be inspired by to wake up to each day and have reason to fight for, are all reasons to know that I need GOD now and always more than ever at my side to move me from one day to another. Because in my mind, it’s like a bowl of spaghetti! I’m a hot mess! I’m distant, distracted and discombobulated keeping track of ordering my medications, staying on top of taking each dose, staying on top of the daily routines and schedules of my 5 kids’ schedules/camps/social activities, and keep on top of still make sure our homes and bodies are clean and fed. Oy! With a brain that’s not at full function all the time after a more than a few zaps here and there, it’s hard to work at full throttle. I feel the difference, and I ask HIM to give me more and more graces every day to help me function.
I tell the kids regularly that if my mind does really go. Remind me to potty and dress me in costumes. Each day I can be Tinkerbell, Wonderwoman, or any other magical whimsical person. I just pray I’m happy as whoever you tell me that I am for the day! I already dress up, so the transition should be smooth. Brace yourselves. I don’t doubt this won’t happen!
With God’s grace, we’ll all get through this. We’ll get through the ups and downs of my treatments and patience in not only parenting and family life through it all, but in the anxious moments of waiting between scans and praying and hoping that each treatment is working. When feeling as discombobulated as I’ve mentioned, I find my mind worn down and under stress in prayer. I find myself needing to make a much more conscious effort to place my trust in God for the future and live only for today with no concerns for what scans may reveal of different types of treatment, procedures and possibilities that may lie ahead.
How clearly God shows up when I find myself in these places. God speaks so clearly when I place my heart and my mind there with Him. He always shows up. See in this reflection and verses in my morning prayers from this past week in my “Jesus Calling” book.
So I guess I’ll just be taking a Scarlett O’Hara approach from now on…
Tomorrow is indeed a new day, a fresh day and a day that God will unfold for me when He is ready and will unveil for me when I am ready and thus will receive the graces for it when necessary.
Might I reiterate once more the part that stood out most in the passage from Jesus Calling: “My grace is sufficient for you, but its sufficiency is for only ONE DAY AT A TIME. When you worry about the future, you heap day upon day of troubles onto your flimsy frame. You stagger under this heavy load, which I never intended you to carry.”
Now, if you could just pray for me and my family as we continue to work on this as we continue to fight this battle and carry on with life as a family of 7, hoping and intending to live each day grateful that we have them and holding on to each other and our faith together to get through the side effects and ups and downs that come with the treatments that keep surprising us along the way,
I continue to thank you for sticking with us for these past almost 5 years now and I pray you continue to stay with us in pray and support as we are still in this race. Know that I keep you all in prayer as well. Thank you for joining and remaining as a part of #TEAMBUNA.
I invite you to continue to send me your intentions through comments on my PRAYER WALL TAB or privately emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. As I’ve mentioned before these intentions that we pray for each other are an opportunity for us to share in redemptive suffering and share in our crosses, and receive grace upon grace. Such power lies there! Let’s tap in to that and get recharged.
God bless you all and Thank you. After all…