This speaks to me. I mean.. sure, we’re surrounded by tons of touching deep thoughts and quotes on Pinterest and Facebook (which no doubt, I’ll be posting here and there in this article), but coffee first thing in the morning… without even asking for it?? That touches the depths of my soul. Mama loves her coffee. Why?
Seriously though, the little things are what make my world go ’round. It’s finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. It’s just a year and a month (but who’s counting) since I was first diagnosed with “The Big C” and I’m just starting to get a taste of my “Big Come Back” to normal (or my “new normal” after so much change … and growth in my life and my whole world, really). And all I really want to do is
THE LITTLE THINGS.
After last month’s big ol’ surgery, I’m in awe of how much the tiniest parts of my daily life really affect my mood and make or break me (especially if I haven’t had my love affair with my cup of coffee each morning). I can feel and take on the world totally positivel and full of hope all day, but… the witching hour approaches (5 o’clock seems to be the first round with a daily dinner and dance party break before round 2 strikes at BEDTIME! Oy!) and one by one, we can really fall apart. We’re ALL tired, my body gives in… and BAM! Perfect formula for a cray cray mama!
… and it’s totally because of this:
THE TRUTH IS, IT DOESN’T LAST LONG BECAUSE…
THERE’S ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS
SOMETHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR!
(may sound cliché, but it’s totally true)
Each week, since my most recent surgery, I get a “reward for good behavior”. At least, that’s how I’ve coined it. For example, my new freedoms and the carrot dangled before me each week thus far is listed below:
FIRST WEEK: Get to go home after 5 days/5 nights in the hospital…
SECOND WEEK: 3 of 4 drains removed in the office; last one removed by my hubbie (that took a lot of convincing for me to go with that one. So it turns out, he was quite the handy doc!)
THIRD WEEK: Get to switch from the snazzy thigh-to-ribs girdle from the hospital to some good compression Spanx and/or abdominal binder… (look out! gettin’ crazy over here!)
FOURTH WEEK: no longer have to sleep sitting up .. AND… no more blood pressure cuff machine on my ankles. FREEDOM!!!
FIFTH WEEK (currently): Get to pick up my bambino, “Snuggles” again; thus, can watch her all by myself for half of the day, like a real life grown up again!
*Who knows, maybe next week I’ll have her on my own ALL DAY, and may even get out of any binders or compression wear. Watch out, people! I just may throw a party!!!!*
Every week, every little “reward” or new freedom … seems like the biggest deal ever. It’s a big deal to me, because it means…
This week, when my doc told me that I could hold my sweet baby again, I hung up the phone, rushed through the whip and nae nae dance partaaay that was happening in my living room, and scooped her right up, tears in my eyes and all! Ya know what she did? Melt my heart, she hugged me so hard and repeated over and over again, “Mommy hold-a-me! Mommy hold-a-me!” She knew. She knew this past month that we could only hold hands as we walked around. She (and all of her siblings) knew to grab a pillow to put against me if she wanted to sit on my lap, so as to not bump or hurt me. She knew that if I wanted to hold her, Daddy needed to do the lifting and hold her up while I wrapped my arms around her and pretended to hold her. As I scooped her up, she looked around, and upon noticing no one else was there but the two of us… she knew Mommy’s makin’ a come back!
It felt so darn good.
With that, I began my own little list of all the “little things” that I wanted to do that I haven’t done in so long. Some items may, to you, be recognizably monumental, and some may seem totally trivial. But to me, it means the coast is clear. It means that if I’m doing it, I must not have another treatment today. If I do it, it’s because I’m the mama and I’m able to be the mama… with nothing holding me back. It means … freedom!!!! (not rubbing it in to those of you just beginning or in the middle of your journey, but to let ya know the rewards that lie ahead!)
So here’s just a few on my list. Be they little or be they big, I’m gonna make it happen.
BUNA’S “LITTLE THINGS” TO DO LIST:
*Start going to Sidekick’s games to watch her cheer just like her mama; throw the football with The Dude; get Sunshine in the ballet shoes and tutu she’s always wanted and build that Princess castle craft she’s been holding out to do with me; swing and play more in the backyard with Firecracker and Snuggles
*Put Snuggles down for naps and bedtime again (I can do that now!)
*Clean out my Swagger-wagon (mini-van) from the wreckage that the kids have committed this past year while Mama wasn’t watchin
*Reclaim my kitchen again: clean out the cabinets, and put things back where they go! (Weird lil’ O.C.D. obsession of a woman and her kitchen)
*Cook more for the kids & with the kids like we did B.C. (Before Cancer)
*Exercise!!! (Hubbie and I met at a gym. It’s a fave hobby. Our sport)
*Do some house projects! (Been eyeing the funky/dirty tan paint on the walls (that we never painted since moving) while wiped out on the couch so often this year – amongst other painting projects, help with the 1/2 built clubhouse in the backyard, and attempt some pinteresty DIY stuff I’ve pinned in the iPad while in the infusion chair)
and MOST OF ALL…
*HAVE A MAJOR CELEBRATION OF LIFE TRIP TO DISNEY!!! (The ultimate “eye on the prize” reward for never giving up that we promised the kids since the beginning of all of this mumbo jumbo. Never knew how we’d swing such a big trip, but where there’s a will, there’s a way. No turning back on this promise now!)
*… and many, many more!
The world is looking brighter and brighter with every week that I’ve recovered more, every new eyelash and eyebrow follicle that begins to grow again, every evening that I’m still awake and up and about to hang out with my Hubbie again (after a year of him watching shows next to a snoring wife), and every day that I can wake up to another morning because I’M ALIVE to see it!
God is good … all the time.
All the time … God is good.
Infinite thanks to everyone for praying our family through.