Travel with me if you will through my phases “faces” of treatments thus far, leading to our newest “not so musical” debut.

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We embraced Diagnosis and Chemo “head on” with Mommy as…

The CHEMO NINJA:

…….

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When my first surgery came, pain or no pain, we went in as we had in for all other treatments thus far…

Animal House/Belushi Style…

Ya know, “Thank you Sir, May I have another?!”

*Notice our matching togas?  Practically twins!  😉

      

…….

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And now…

Without further adieu,

This is how the whole family is getting in on the action during my current phase of treatment.

We’ve formed our own family band, to literally

ROCK RADIATION!

WE ARE…

“THE RADIATORS 7.0”

(“The Radiators” was already taken, blah blah blah;  There are 7 of us, sooo….)

#TakeThatVonTrapps

(Snuggles – drummer; Sidekick – lead vocals; 

Firecracker – Back up vocals;  Hubbie – Jamaican steel drum; 

The Dude – Back up Acoustic;  Sunshine – Keyboard ;

Mommy/Buna – Lead Acoustic guitar) 

We may not be lining up a whole lot of gigs necessarily, as “our sound” is still a work in progress, but “we look great!”   Milli Vanilli pulled that off for a little while, right?  I only have a few more weeks of this radiation business, we can fake it ’til we make it, I’m sure.

It’s all about the look. 

As I mentioned in the beginning of all of this mumbo jumbo of my diagnosis,  I didn’t want to get to stress myself out with googling, going on WebMD, stressing about the past or the future, etc.   I won’t be naïve, either.  I remain informed on the info that I need for the present, asking the people I trust most, and choosing to put my life in the doctors hands whom I trust most.  I take excellent care of myself through my eating, exercise, and prayer.  So after that… each new treatment is going to be as scary and as difficult as it simply just is.  Sometimes there’s not too much you can change about it.  It is what it is.

So what more can I do?  Why not plan a new look for each day of this treatment?  Chemo Ninja is just for my chemo appointments once a month.  Radiation is every day for 6 weeks.  That calls for waaaay more “looks”.  Growing up in the theater, this just gives me a character to get into and take on each day, having fun with my fam (and the staff at MBP)!  No need to stress over the radiation, it won’t make it go away. Therefore, we came up with a few of these:

(SIDENOTE: Before cancer, I COULD barely take a picture in a group without making a funky face to hide my insecurity, much less a selfie.  Now, I just don’t care that much.  Life is too short.  This is clearly me just goofin off with just enough confidence now to post it.  I assure you, no narcissism here, just a goofball playin dress up)

 

 

 

I mean, why not, right?  I work part time in ministry, and in another side job as a costume designer and choreographer.  Ministering to my family, dressing up as a different theme each day and making time for dance parties is what we live for. It only makes sense for me.  If not, it’s just a whole lot of this…

UGH!

Although it may be a closer to reality depiction (at least as close and detailed as what I’m willing to show here) of what its like every day as I wait with my scan card to go in… (dun dun dun) the machine.  I prefer to keep my focus on the costumes.  Wouldn’t you?

…….

I dare not forget to…

…gather the best team of family, friends, and medical staff around me, ever.  Check!

….pray with all I’ve got and get greedy to ask everyone around me to do the same. Check.

… offer up any scary moment, stressful moment, sick or painful moment for the intentions of anyone and everyone I know and don’t know all around me, near and far.  Check!

…spend every other moment living each day for what it is, doing what I love most, (laughing, dancing, goofing off with the kids, or going out with friends, date nights with the Hubbie, or whatever it is, whenever I can)  and basically sucking the life… out of life. Check!

…….

Must be nice…

I’ve actually heard that a few times. More often lately.  “Must be nice.”  Whaaa???  “Must be nice to have so much energy“, or to “feel so great“, or to “still look like I don’t have cancer“.  Hmmm… I’m never quite sure how to respond on that one.  I could open my mouth real wide and start involuntarily “verbally vomiting” the way my skin on my breast and all around under my right arm pit pretty much feels like I sweat…

Oh yeah, I’m “Hot Stuff” alright! Ha ha! Or shall I mention that I fight to keep my eyes rolling back in my head at noon (Radiation adds a double or triple dose of “drugged like sleepies” to already tired mommies and busy people in general).  Yes, my Hubbie spends most nights alone with has maw maw-wife snoring at 7:30 or 8.  Give him a ring, he’s up, probably taking first shift with our teething toddler.  (Dad of the Year!) Just the tip of the iceberg there.  So, if you’re thinkin’ I’m full of energy? It’s a choice.  If there’s stuff to do, I “lock and load”.  Get up in the a.m. and just don’t sit until I’m done with all commitments for the day.  For me, as long as I stay moving, my energy stays with me and I am distracted from discomfort.  But when I hit a wall and my body starts to scream, “Hey, stupid, would ya rest already!” “Why don’t we cancel that last activity and go home now?”  I have to be smart and actually listen now.

And to everyone who’s given the amazing compliment,

“Well ya look great!”

(said in almost the exact same intonation as if Jason and my mom called all of you and told you to say just that phrase, in just that way)

I’m working still on compliments, but THANK YOU.  I’m pretty sure it’s the confidence I have in God, gratitude for the love I’ve felt from everyone all around me, and the zest for life that you’re seeing.  That’s what’s so great.

I’m not afraid to tribute NERIUM for keeping my skin in crazy good condition throughout some rigorous chemotherapy that continues on now, as well as helping me with my scarring.  Definitely a gift from God to be able to keep using it, even during radiation

*Shameless plug for this product, I know, (I am a horrible saleswoman) but, quite honestly,

I should be dried up like a little yellow raisin by now. For real, chemo/cancer skin is no fun, and Nerium totally has been my BFF.

**Link to my TEAM BUNA – NERIUM site**

Again, in the most random of ways,  God provides… even if it is for my chemo-attacked, drying, wrinkling, scarring skin. God provided.

…..

All that being said,

Costume or no costume, wig or beanie, Tobasco radiated skin or scars under Nerium construction,… it ain’t over ’til it’s over and we will keep on keepin’ on with whatever it takes to keep us goin’ to entertain ourselves along the way.

We will keep on finding “OUR HAPPY!” I hope and pray you can do the same. 🙂

Thanks and God bless ya,

“BIRTHDAY! BIRTHDAY!… ‘CUZ IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

So, normally, in years past, I never had a blog to post on and proclaim to the world that it was my birthday.  Not that I was shy about it or anything.  I mean, I love my birthday.  I love ALL birthdays, really.  I just love an excuse to have a celebration of any sort, truthfully.  But, to celebrate a person’s life?  Heck yeah!  Count me in!  And this year, my age isn’t one of any monumental sort, one that would be noted for the books … normally.

But this year?  It’s different.

I made it.  It was a close one.  But I did it!  As I got dressed to go out to dinner with a few friends to celebrate, it hit me.   Ya know, I might not have made it to this night.  Whoa.  I’ve never felt that way before.  Reality check.  I’m not sure if anyone else getting dressed to go out that night put on their shoes, jeans, or make up with the same care and gratitude (or tears) as I did.  This was actually the greatest, most monumental birthday for me, ever.  Bar none.  Simply due to the fact that I got to wake up for it.

Life is so precious.

I know how grateful I need to be.  I know that everyone doesn’t get to win the fight.  At least, not in the sense that we see “winning”.  They’re win may not be here and of this world.  Yet they’re warriors and victorious in their battles of courage nonetheless.  They are my idols, and I’ve had the pleasure to meet warriors who’ve lost this war here, but I pray have won a prize far greater beyond this world, leaving a legacy for us to cherish  and learn from.  That’s the glory.

Where some see burden, others see glory.  That’s a gift I have found this year. This birthday, I feel God has given me the most spectacular gift of gratitude that I can feel from the top of my (now fuzzy) head, on down to my toes.  I feel a gratitude for life that knows no bounds.

We’ve ABSOLUTELY had some sour helpings served to us on a silver platter, yet BITTER or not, we can’t help but notice the sugar in each bitter-SWEET spoonful.  God has definitely pulled a Mary Poppins on us, adding a spoonful of sugar every time to “help the medicine go down!”

After celebrating my b-day, I can’t help but thank the many “Mary Poppins” in our life:

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My Medical Mary’s

I’m, first of all, thankful for the best doctors nurses and staff at Mary Bird Perkins and St. Charles Surgical Center and Hospital for “every little thing“.  Because of them being so darn on top of “every little thing”, “it’s gonna be alright“.  And I’ve known that it would be since I first felt that lump.  I knew it.  I just knew it.  I closed my eyes and I felt God so present, so clearly, clearly present.  A rush of warmth and calm came over me that never completely left.  Not while I was having my first appointment with my OBGYN to “take a look”, not during my first mammogram, or biopsy, or while I waited for results, or during any drive to the many appointments after that.  When Dr. Stolier’s  eyes turned red and teared up as he literally turned off his computer, and with worry all over his face, closed my file, held my hands, took off his glasses and said I was “a doozy of a case.”  I still felt that sense of calm.  Holy Spirit.  When Dr. Saux knocked on my front door in his hippy baja, cool denim slip-on shoes, pony tail and all, to meet me for the first time and do an in-house consultation, letting me know I had one of the most complicated cases of breast cancer,  and was about to “bring me very close to the point of death in order to save me from it.” …(deep breath) … I somehow still felt calm and totally trusting.  My life was in these total strangers’ hands now.  Eventually, it seemed as though all of their explanations of what my next year and a half would look like began to sound like “Charlie Brown’s teacher’s voice” murmuring in the room as I watched their mouths move in front of me.  All I could do was nod my head, shake their hands, sign a bunch of paperwork, smile, breathe deep …  and sing Bob Marley’s “3 Little Birds” in my head (or if I was with Dr. Saux, out loud and in unison!).   So far, from chemo, to mastectomy, to phase 1 of reconstruction, and now half way through radiation,  I’m making it through “alright”… and then some!  Nobody said it was easy, but I didn’t ask for easy, I asked for them to save my life.  This team hasn’t missed a beat.  I’ll take whatever beatings they’re serving up if it gives me another birthday!

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My Familial Mary’s

  What some see as a burden on me, fighting this cancer with “all those kids”; rather, is quite the opposite. They are more of a blessing to me than I could have ever asked for.  They are the blessing that prayed for and give thanks for today and always.  They keep me focused on my fight.  They even woke me up bright and early on my b-day with original cards like these:

…

I’m beyond thankful to my husband for his never ending willingness to put up with me and my random sneak attack moments of tears for no apparent reason…. or because I’ve put the style decision pressure of beanie, wig, or “go bald” all on him.  (FYI… there’s no right answer.  It’s like a trap. Poor fella)  He is, hands down, the best.  I don’t deserve the love that he never stops giving.

…

Between my mom, my dad, my stepmom, my siblings, in-laws, nieces and nephews… I kinda have the “Dream Team”.  They’ve bent over backwards, and continue to do so to make this whole wheel keep turning. For real.  Even my many, many, … many cousins, aunts, and uncles are constantly sending their love over Facebook, texts, emails, and cards.  When you have a big extended family, sometimes being one in a million feels a little lost… and then at other moments… it’s kind of AMAZING!

There’s nothing quite like FAMILY.

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My Friendly Mary’s

I’m thankful to my friends who stand by me through thick or thin, rain or shine… all the time.  They’ve told me from the very beginning that “we’ve got this” and my truest of true, have never made me feel, for a second, that we didn’t.  They’re golden.

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My Parish, Community, Neighborhood, Blog, and Never Ending Team Buna Support of Poppins’ Population!

I also know how grateful I need to be for the amazing support of our community who are constantly calling and asking how they can help, if they can make a meal, say a prayer, have a play date with the kids, etc.  God is so good.

We are thrilled beyond words and so thankful for all the pictures of everyone in their Team Buna T-shirts and sweatshirts that keep coming in either on TEAM BUNA Facebook messages, posts, or emails (teambuna@gmail.com) for us to add to our BIG collage surprise for the kids that we’ve just cleared a whole wall for in the upstairs playroom!

*If you want in on the action, we’d love to have you! (Click the link below to join the team. Time is running out!)*

(CLICK PICTURE FOR TEAM BUNA SHIRT LINK)

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But seriously,

As of late, friends of mine have lost family members through sickness and through sudden, tragic death.  Life is not to be taken for granted. I pray today in thanksgiving for my life, for the families who have lost loved ones, and for the repose of the souls lost.  LIFE IS PRECIOUS.

We have 5 children here in our home, yet have lost 3 children through miscarriage.  We know the miracle of life and the fragility of it through each pregnancy and child birth.  I came to know the gratitude of each day that I was pregnant with my babies, never knowing what “tomorrow” would bring; yet, prayed to live “today” as the day our hearts beat together.  How fragile, how beautiful, how simple and complex … all at once.  I pray today in thanksgiving for my children both here and in Heaven, for the joy to pour on the families expecting and with newborns, for the generosity of families who’ve opened their hearts and homes through adoption, for my friends who have recently miscarried, and for those whose children are sick or suffering in any way.  God’s joy, mercy, and peace be with parents, children and families as a whole.  LIFE IS PRECIOUS.

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The truth is… there’s never enough room on one sheet of paper, on one blog post, or in one breath to show the gratitude I feel to wake up today.  I realize that the chances were pretty strong that I might not have, and I’m still running the race of my treatment to “kick cancer’s butt” during this radiation (Halfway done tomorrow! -“I think I can! I think I can!”), chemo (will finish infusions in August), as well as my 5 year race for my “cure”.  But all of that is just small peas…little things, “‘cuz every little thing is gonna be alright!”

‘Cuz I’m here!

AND THAT’S MORE THAN ENOUGH TO BE THANKFUL FOR!

Thank you for being a part of this year with me.