You’ve probably seen this pic going around the web (No, it’s not me.  Feels like me, often, but nope).  School’s out. Summer has begun, and there’s a little part of me that remembers the days that I feared this above shot. Walls closing in on me,  Cereal and milk slowly dripping from the ceiling, and overstuffed diaper scent wafting through the kitchen, stronger than my coffee that just won’t do it’s job this morning.  EEEEEK!!!!!!!

(Yes, even “Every little thing/ Marley-girl-Buna” … can also be a real “Madea” who just wants everyone to sit still for a minute and be real real quiet until Mama’s had enough coffee or enough wine to deal!… sigh!… Deep breathing technique beginning:  Breathe in. Breathe out.  Sip coffee. Repeat.)

However, this summer, although my body’s not fully cooperating with me, and I feel like I’ve literally been punched in the gut by the Incredible Hulk once I reach the afternoon (my body definitely decides to wave the white flag after lunch and shout,  “Hey we’re still in recovery from that surgery 3 weeks ago, ya know! So settle down, Sparky!).  Oy Vey.

What to do?

One choice remains. 

I adjust. 

Well… I intended to adjust,

However,  I slipped, and ended up letting my “crazy show” a little first:

At the end of the school year, while going back and forth to the hospital, and seeing the faces of my kiddos who were so bummed that this was all happening again and again, I felt like I was failing them.  I wanted to give them the world and make sure they missed out on nothing.  With five kids,  we make a lot of sacrifices as to how many things we can really do.  For example, every child, for the most part, picks ONE main extra curricular activity, unless something else comes along that they can ALL be involved in that won’t break the bank or our sanity.  It’s about being together, and not losing our family dinner time.  That’s important to us.

Well,  seeing their bummed faces,  I started to miss WHY they were upset.  I mistakenly felt like I needed to make it up to them by being  Super Mom who would commit to bringing them to whatever extracurricular they’d never gotten the chance to do, camp they hadn’t tried, etc.  But I was wrong.  They just wanted ME.  And I wanted them, too.

We began our first week of me, literally,  gripping my stomach as I donned some really cute suits in hopes that it would distract both my kiddos and the folks at the pool from noticing that my tummy was still kinda hurting post-op, while I also perfectly planned how I could take my kids to the pool each day for their swim team practice and watch them have their fun in the sun!  Took a few days to figure it out without any major lifting of the bambino, Snuggles.  (We do a lot of holding while walking through the baby pool/chasing across the pool deck, strollers, and swimming in the pool with her.  There in the pool, weightlessly, I can hold her! HEAVEN! ) How I’ve missed holding my Snuggles!!!!!!  I could cry.  I’ll stay in that pool with that squishy, voluptuous little cutie, and let my Firecracker swim to me all day if it means that I get to be MOMMY right now!!!   I’ve missed all of this more than I could possibly say. When I’m out with them on my own, doing what we “normally do”, all feels right in the world.  My heart grows a little more each time I’m out with them on my own, like “a big girl”.  😉

……

But sometimes, much like laundry…a huge load sneaks up on ya, and BAM! …. Ya realize you’re in over our head! How’d that happen?!?

Well, when it comes to our very “unorthodox laundry” system, we don’t even “fold em.”

(Side bar.  Bare with my tangent. There is a point…)

We line up baskets (one for each of the 7 family members, plus 2 extra for towels and lines… yes, that’s 9 baskets in a row!!!), throw the big heaping baskets of clean clothes on the vacuumed rug and have the kids help sort/THROW the clothes into the apporopriate baskets (That is, after they’ve leaped on top of, rolled down, the laundry mountain… hopefully with with clean clothes on, so as to not YET AGAIN soil my fresh clothes. OY!) They take their baskets up to their rooms, put them away how they like (They have labeled bins and drawers, but “NO”, they don’t usually fold.  It just gets unfolded when they scammer for that first outfit during  the next dressing session! Work…undone!) My only rules:  Dress clothes must be hung; no clothes shoved in corners/ put them AWAY in some organized fashion; and give me back my baskets within 48 hrs before next laundry day.  Works for us.  May make you crazy, but I just couldn’t waste my life away folding laundry for 7 people anymore, and clean the house, and cook, and try to ENJOY any of this life that I’m trying so hard to FIGHT TO LIVE FOR!  I’m not gonna beat cancer in order to live for Laundry.  Seriously.

BESIDES, LOOK WHAT I FIND IN THE LAUNDRY WHEN THEY SORT FOR ME?

So, why did I go off on my Laundry tangent?

With this house busting at the seams with people necessitating a need for a revolving door on my laundry room and confirming my point that nudist colonies were truly made for large families, not hippie free spirits.

*WHY WERE NUDIST COLONIST TRULY CREATED?  They are for people like me who just can’t keep up with the dirty clothes.  Let me clarify, I’m not itching to see or be seen. However, If I were to, by some freak chance, to go  blind as result of my chemotherapy and other treatments, send me there with my family!  It’s perfect.  Then,  I don’t have to see all those nudy-booties, but can just bask in my glory like a free bird and not notice who’s upset at what they see with us.  And, hey! No laundry!  😉

Sorry, Tangent again! Sheesh! (Blame it on the chemo brain! Ugh)

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Laundry was literally taking over my motherhood, and my family life, so we adjusted.  We cut back and took out the folding.  Know when to hold ’em, know when NOT to fold em, in this case!  And it was a game changer.  Glorious!

……..

I woke up on the first Monday of the second week of my summer feeling a flurry of emotions.  I was so happy to have my kiddos home, fulfilled to be Mommy again at the pool like I’ve spent every summer of my life, yet felt my body giving up because it’s still “recovering”, felt TICKED that my mind and body were not in sync with one another (“I don’t have time for ‘dat!), and when I saw the summer schedule and all the things I’d committed to,  something had to give or Mommy was going to snap and thus spill my little emotional outburst all over my family.  Pretty much the opposite of my hopes and dreams for my kiddos when seeing their sad faces at the hospital just a few weeks before and all throughout this year.

“Busy-ness” isn’t good for any of us.  With young children, it’s good to get some kind of a schedule or routine for our summer to give our brains a little order and to get us moving in the first half of the day and out of the house, or we kinda lose it.  They need sunshine, we need fresh air, and the pool is great for that!  Thus, SWIM TEAM stayed on our schedule.  We practice in the pool in the a.m., stay to waterslide, splash around with friends, eat our lunches that we’ve packed to save some cash, and head home to watch a movie, read, color, and chill.  Thus… we CUT OUR AFTERNOON COMMITTMENTS.  My kids want ME. After a long year of treatments that are still ongoing, they want their mommy.  I’m involved in swimming, I’m not involved in gymnastics and dance, and other things that I watch them through a glass wall  of each studio or gymnasium.  We cherish our morning fun in the sun and our down time in the afternoon and possible impromptu playdate in the late afternoon or early evening with friends.

A friend of mine, Kelley (long time friend and fellow blogger: freedomintegift.com)     reminded me of something very important a few days ago. We moms spend all school year multi tasking our life away and priding ourselves on our ability to do so.  However, with phone in one hand, baby on hip, stirring a pot with another, and half focused nodding at the child in front of me who’s telling me about their day, I realize…

MY MULTI-TASKING STINKS!

May I stink at multi tasking this summer and do a lot more one thing at a time “Multi Slacking” with my kids!

I want to focus more on them and be less distracted.

As many of my friends know from past summers,

I drop off the face of the earth a bit in the summer.

You may not hear a whole lot from us, unless you bump into us at the pool or snowball stand. Please don’t take offense.  Summer is my time where I’m totally 100% smitten with my fam.  I truly enjoy the detachment from my phone, the computer, and embrace the “multi-slacker” poolside mama with a week or so in the theater for my kiddos to act with me in my drama camps, or dance with my friends in a benefit coming up in June (check out the “Join the Team” for more info).  Why?  Because these are the things that give me peace, they make me happy, and they keep us together.

This is how we’ve learned to know when to:

HOLD EM’ (“Hold” my kiddos close, as much as I can this summer and always)

FOLD EM’ …or NOT (“Fold” on the extra activities, that run you ragged and split up your family this summer,  and as for Laundry: I highy recommend “NOT FOLDING“! Espcially the kids’ laundry.  It’ll just frustrate you when they throw it on the floor in a desperate hunt)

….

*By no means do I have the answers.

*By no means can I vouch for myself or commit to sticking with everything or anything that I say perfectly.

*By no means do I say that I know what I’m doing.  I’m just parenting one day/minute at a time.

*By every means do I admit that I’m a spaz that messes up regularly, yet will give myself a pat on the back for being cool to laugh at myself, pick myself back up after with either a rolling laugh or a good cry and moving on.

*By every means, I intend to pull back this summer, love my family,  and pray for grace to know when I’m screwing up again, and cut back more if I need to.

*By ALL the MEANS that God has to offer, I pray I can do all these things with my family this summer through these last legs of my treatment THROUGH THE GRACE OF GOD ALONE so that I can truly

KICK CANCER TO THE CURB THIS SUMMER and

hear the glorious words of, (as my Hubbie always says, “Lord willing”)…

“REMISSION” in the FALL!!!

(As our last and final “cut back of the summer” was to postpone our final surgery until Fall, giving my body a break to recharge.  Not to mention, with infusions happening every 21 days anyway still – just 3 more to go, my kids need a break to enjoy the summer with me at home, not at a hospital, if at all possible)

“And that’s all I have to say about that” – (Forest Gump)

Make it a great summer, however that means for you and yours this summer.

Make the best of it.

Even in the darkest grey clouds of a summer storm, God sends some summer sunshine right behind it.  It’s coming.

****************

*I know many of you out there are being hit by many “storms” in your life, our prayers are with you. You are part of Team Buna. We want to pray for your intentions.  Please add your intentions to the:  PRAYER WALL TAB

Simply add your intentions to the comments in the post, or send to teambuna@gmail.com

or

PAY IT FORWARD:

*See how you can JOIN TEAM BUNA and HELP OTHER Families in Need! PLEASE….

Click the SUPPORT THE TEAM  

-We hope to continue to feature different families every few weeks, as we’re ALL a part of TEAM BUNA, right?  “BUNA” means “good”, so let’s do some good out there!

-Just click, scroll through, pay it forward through donation of prayer, funds, and love..

-and give yourself “2 snaps up and a SWERVE” for spreadin the love like a BOSS!

God bless ya,

This is so very true.  And I am here today because of my two crazier, older brothers, who roughed me up and taught me how to be tough. Because of them, I know how to fight.. and I’m fighting pretty darn well right about now, when it counts most,  and I sure hope I’m makin’ them proud.

………………

Today is my oldest brother’s  birthday, (Happy Happy Birthday, Beau! or as my kiddos and al the cousins say, “Uncy Beau”) and just 6 weeks after that we’ll be singing Happy b-day to my middle brotha! (So… Happy early B-day Jean!! / “Uncy Jean”!!)  B-days being so close together,  I figured I’d give a little shout out to both of my brothers who really did much to shape me into the gal I am today.

Yup, I’m that one girl.  You taught me to be her.  It’s your fault.

That’s the same reason why you complained that my shoes stunk when I took them off in the car as a kid since I never wore socks (Heck, I rarely wore shoes, so why wear socks?).  ‘Twas the same reason that you said my finger nails were always dirty, and my “Jamz” had holes in them.  Hangin’ with the boys meant climbin’ trees with to scope out sweet spots for mud-bomb attacks on passersby and building your own forts in the woods, only to have your head raided for ticks with tweezers and match sticks at night. Ugh.  (But so worth it) Any readers still with me, or did I just lose a few? Sorry, it just got real for a moment there!

My brothers you see, were just 2 years apart, yet there was an 8 year gap before I was born, and I desperately wanted to be in their “clique”.  They had their own language at the dinner table.  They could finish each other’s sentences.  They were so crazy funny that your stomach hurt from laughing whether or not you had any idea what they even said, but the sound effects and faces that they were making were enough to make you fall off of your chair. Seriously.  I begged to be a part of their daily/weekly home movies that they made with their friends, and as long as I just “stayed cool”, I sometimes got to be in the background, help squirt the ketchup blood, or ride in the hatchback of the civic while spinning donuts for the  peel out stunts or some other super cool scene.  No matter what it was… it was always…. “epic” in my eyes!

I hung on to their every word.  I mean it.  EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. They rambled off complaints prophetic know how that I clearly needed to file away for later.  For example:  When they came off of the school bus: “When you grow up, don’t move your lips too much when you’re old enough to read on a bus one days, because it’ll make your mouth make weird sounds and it’ll be annoying.”  Check!  Added to list when figuring out that darned reading and phonics thing. This was going to get complicated.

Or better yet… the whole boys and girls and dating thing. Oy!  Boy did my file get full there, particularly after coming home from their dates or school dances, or watching movies, or really anything that had to do with the opposite sex…. all opportunities to teach me what to do and not to do!

“Don’t be a bow head”;  “Don’t wear too much makeup or perfume.. & when guys go to pick you up for a date, they hoped that you would look kinda like the same girl that they asked out, ‘cuz they liked THAT girl”;  “Don’t giggle all the time unless you’re actually laughing at a joke, pay attention, don’t be stupid”; 

and my personal favorite…

“Don’t look in wedding magazines unless you have a ring on your finger” (Told to me in the old Delchamps magazine rack aisle by my middle brother, Jean,)  “Why”, I asked (at the ripe age of around 7)…. “Because they’re filled with poisoned bombs that will detonate and explode in your face unless you have an engagement ring on.  It’s very serious,” He says over his shoulder non-chalantly as he flips through a Sports Illustrated magazine now that his work is done and his sister is protected form marriage gleeflully dreaming about marriage too soon.   I slowly stepped backward away from the racks.

 

My brothers, they really do love me.  I carried a heavy burden of the many files of “dos and don’ts” in my brain, that I really did my best to stick to, whether or not I realized it, although they never realized it or asked me to do so.  It was subconsciously written on my soul.  They were raising me, whether they knew it, like it, or not.  And as much as I put up a fuss about them being “punks” and what not, I loved them and thought they were the absolute coolest and greatest guys in the world.  THE WORLD.

If one was throwing bean bags on me and sitting on me while watching Transformers (Ahem… Jean?)

The other was feeding me Tabasco sandwiches and “Light n Crunchy” dog food mixed in my after school snack

(Ahem… Beau?)

Yet, if one… even ONE other person outside of our little family circle had the slightest thought of jumping in on that action, they had another thing comin.  No can do.   I’ll never forget when boys started calling for me.  Oh boy.. oh boy!  My brothers paced the room figuring out what they were gonna do then next time the phone rang. They had it all planned out, plotting and scheming their move.  Well sure enough, it did.  Jean had no quams about picking it up giving it a good “LOOK PAL, IT’S A LITTLE LATE!” and slamming that phone down with now chance for a message, a hello, or even any idea of who it was. It could have been a girl, It could have been a relative.  He didn’t care.  He was on a mission.  The mission…. nobody talks to HIS SISTER!!!!!

Just the way things worked out, at different portions of my high school years, a different brother was able to be there, living near and teaching locally or even living in our apartment right next door… once again keeping a lookout on my dating situation and giving the other brother the scoop and the low down.  Detectives near and far. Always on the Case.  ALWAYS (my teenage self still eye rolling, but secretly loving it).

And now…

We’re all grown up, and Jean has now married his beautiful wife, Janice, and conned her into moving their 5 kiddo-beautiful genius clan down from Canada to raise them with my 5 kiddo-few screws loose clan-tastrophe that we love cuz their uniquely cute and special. YAY!!!! And I thank God every day for the gift of raising our kids together.  My brother, Jean, is such an amazing father and husband that it brings me to tears.  He has really taken the prayers of God the father and shaped himself into everything that He hoped he could be as a present, loving, giving, understanding, AND FUNNY ( I have to add…. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LAUGHING THROUGH THIS WHOLE FIGURING OUT PARENTING THING WITH YOU!!! I truly don’t think I could do this without you), father and husband.  I’m beyond impressed.  It’s VERY cool to see.  GOD IS GOOD.

 

As for my oldest brother, Beau, giver of the name BUNA!!!  Also known to so many of you as “Fr.Beau”.  There’s so much to say, yet it’s so hard to say it all.  You, too have married the love of your life.  You’ve made the ultimate sacrifice for God.  You have a gift for service that has been in you since childhood and a desire to help always, even since you struggled  as to which stuffed animal to leave behind for family trips when you felt bad for the others until slowly but surely all clothes were emptied from the Snoopy suitcase, only to pack up Cookie Monster and all the rest of the gang, figuring you’d rather wear the clothes on your back all week rather than deal with the guilt of leaving them behind.  “No man left behind”!  When you grew up you wanted to be a gas attendant, a rock star, a brain surgeon, a teacher, an actor, a garbage man, a father, and …. finally, a priest.  Well, as a priest, you’re doing it all.  You’re preaching, teaching, healing, singing praise, helping us to get rid of our garbage, and bringing us the holy spirit fuel that we need and leading us as father and leader for so many, guiding and leading flocks to the church.  But you do so with such humility.  Not afraid to admit weakness, not afraid to sho us all how to seek and ask forgiveness and be there to foster that as the most powerful confessor I know, often saying,  “We fall, sometimes we fall hard, but God asks us to get back up.  A true follower of Christ gets back up and carries his cross again.”  You’ve helped me many times to get back up again.  And you’ve helped me TO LAUGH!!!!   And you’ve reminded me of one of my happiest places, my go-to place for prayer… singing.  Singing is praying twice, right? YOU are truly my favorite Praise and Worship LEADER EVER and I don’t think I’m being biased!

Just this January all three of us, got to sing together just before my surgery.  Heaven!

……..

…and the years between us seem like nothing at all.

I mean, check it out…. I made it! I’ve finally arrived to the cool club where we’re all the best of friends.  I knew it.  I knew you loved me.  I mean.. of course you loved me. You had to, because MOM SAID you had to.  But you didn’t have to LIKE me.

And now I’m pretty sure you do.

*Ya see, y’all didn’t HAVE TO keep leaving your cool records out, or your tie dye t-shirts, or Police t-shirts, or star wars figures, or, or, or…..

SEE!  THEY REALLY DO LOVE ME…

 

Even if my arrival may have been a little late in the game and the realm of baby girl was a surprising new, unchartered territory…

 

They embraced me, bumps, bruises and all.  Poppin wheelies with my stroller up and down the street to go and show me off to all their friends and neighbors.  Tough from the beginning, hangin on tight.  …. Still am, right?  Thanks for that, guys.  So many lessons learned that have truly served me well for the long haul.  We had no idea then how well they truly would serve me well.

I’m the proudest little sister ever.

Because I have the two best big brothers … EVER!

NO DOUBT ABOUT IT!

 

…

……..

without further adieu…

a funny for you two:

(This i know , a-gain, but its just so fitting)

**CHRISTOPHER WALKEN/ KRISTIEN WIIG SURPRISE PARTY

AND FOR BEAU, WHO BOUGHT THIS, AS HIS VERY FIRST SINGLE WITH HIS OWN MONEY ON HIS 10th BDAY 

THE FIRST RAP OUT THERE… ON HIS B-DAY!

**RAPPER’S DELIGHT OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO

 

LOVE YOU BOTH! – BUNA