Split Personalities, Sand Castles, and Scan Results…

Posted by teambuna

After finishing the last of my treatments recently, we celebrated and went to the beach for what we refer to as “FAMILY FEST ’15”,

but here’s a little secret…

I was teetering on the border of pure insanity…

… Buna was goin’ a little CRAY CRAY!

Allow me to explain.

I had an amazing time building sand castles, walking along the gulf shore with my sister-in-law, my daughters, and nieces while following a dolphin all along the way (How picturesque!), watching my husband do back handsprings in the sand (as he does every trip), giving my kids and nieces and nephews juices boxes as my brother buried all the kids in the sand, took snap shots of both my brothers playing Frisbee on the beach while my mom splashed with the little ones in the water, … and the list goes on. The beach was WONDERFUL! (Always my happy place!!) It was a true reward at the end of one very long year.

Yet voices somewhere deep down popped up, surprisingly and totally unexpectedly, to try and steal my peace.

For real. I felt like Sally Fields in “Sybil” had nothing on me. Oy!

These voices, stirring in my head, were feeling the weight of the past year crashing upon us after a 100 mph road race and suddenly slamming on the brakes, forgetting that any baggage I may be dragging unbeknownst at such a high speed would only crash in the back of my head like whiplash at such a sudden stop. Make sense? Combine that with a looming PET scan and… welp…. my poor hubbie earned a badge of honor for dealing with my split personality “Beach Bum Hippie Chick/Wet Mop of Emotions Every Other Night When We Came Inside.” Moral of the story: 1) Leave me outside on the sand near the water. I’m very, very happy there. 2) He’s a good man. If you didn’t know that yet, see: What a Mighty Good Man Post

…………..

Lo and Behold the WAIT is over, and the WEIGHT has been lifted!!

After a full week of celebrating life at many levels (both rejoicing the end of my treatment and mourning the loss and celebrating the life and witness of a beloved family member, whom I idolized, that passed away that very same week), we returned home, COLLAPSED, … and THEEEEN settled in.

On Monday, I returned to Mary Bird Perkins Cancer Center for the first time in 2 weeks to check in for my PET scan. Like my normal beachy, half-brained self, I entirely forgot about my fast before the scan and had just finished a cup of coffee and a half a piece of toast (couldn’t eat much with a flippity stomach, so wasn’t too far gone, but still… Whoops!) But, we went for it anyway. Anywho, I settled in my chair in the back to be injected with my dose of “radioactive fuel” (enough to keep me separated from the rest of the world for that hour and from my kids from the rest of the day… Bummer) to pulse through my body for the scan and let it settle for a good hour before they slid me up and down the ol’ tube for a good 20 minutes of scanning only to wait.. wait.. wait for the next few days for the…

DUN DUN DUUUUN … results.

Oh! The waiting…

I sat back and reflected on the past year again, and was overwhelmed … yet again, with gratitude. It was such a wonderful reality check. With all that everyone has done for me this year, there’s nothing I could do more than to keep my HOPES up, my PRAYERS rollin’, and a smile on my face. I felt so very out of sorts on my trip that I knew that negative cloud that kept following me couldn’t have been of GOD. I knew that this past year was so filled with the Holy Spirit and so covered with everyone’s prayers, and we’d remained so positive, that that moment of weakness and crazy outbursts (not that I’m not totally allowed to fall apart. I definitely need to do that, but it was like a crazy train wreck of emotions one night that I felt so much more coming…). I knew that I’d taken my game face off and forgotten that even that even though treatment are complete, I’ll need to stay in the game through this next phase of “recovery”. Somehow I lost my spark. I forgot to “not worry”. I had lost sight of the big picture. By day, I was all “Marley -girl” and in the evenings.. she was long gone! EEK! I lost my “chill factor”. For the most part, even in my dark moments, there’s normally a pretty visible glimmer of hope shining through. … But I was whirling and couldn’t stop. I had lost my hope in what was yet to come…

I had forgotten that the PET scan coming, and the major surgery in AUGUST would still be covered in prayer. I had forgotten that God would remain with me in these next 5 years til the cure. I had let go when they disconnected my last dose of chemo that day. I disconnected and was lost. I got off track.

Yet yesterday, my phone rang…

and on the other end, was a pirate.

‘Twas my fave pirate, my pirate docta /oncologist,

delivering my PET scan results.

……………….

(went a little somethin’ like this)

Dr.Saux: “NOT A LICK OF CANCER, BUNA! YOU’RE ALL CLEAR.”

Me: “Are you FREAKIN KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!

BOTH: WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Me: So Can I Have them Rip out that dear ol’ Mrs.Peabody ~~the Witch~~ the Port at my next surgery so I can burn her in a bonfire?!

Dr.Saux: Burn Baby Burn!

Me: Disco Inferno!

………………

Translation:

My cray cray voices are silencing, the wait is over so the weights are lifted, and I can now move onto our next …. more finalizing step of this crazy journey (my surgery on August 14th) feeling healthy, hopeful, and in much more control. I feel now like I’m going into this last surgery to regain control of my life again run through that last finish line with my head held high, ready to seize that trophy victoriously!

Not to mention, we’re heading in to this surgery on the Friday after the first full week of school for my kids. That just so happens to be the same day last year, that they came home from school and we told them that Mommy had breast cancer. If you recall, on that day last year, after many tears and conversation, we flipped the evening around with a family party at Chuck E Cheese to kick off the beginning of TEAM BUNA and our family fights as a team instead of a family that mourned and lost. So I invite you to pray for us as we seek to make this surgery to be both the closure of challenges of a year past and the beginning of our new bright adventures ahead.

We have been given clear scans, we’re removing my port to embrace the hope of a healthy future, and we’re taking on this surgery to clean out the old scar tissue and begin a newer healthier Mommy. Yes, it will be one last rough patch (another 6-8 week recovery), one more mountain to climb, but at the top, we will see the whole new life ahead of us.

I’m blessed to be given this life, this family, and all of you.

And I won’t take it for granted.

There’s no better way to show my excitement for our clear PET scans and for the amazing year ahead of us than with…

THE PERFECT CHEER:

(Click on link to watch SNL Spartan cheerleader sketch)

Thank you everyone for all of your prayers and support!

Please stay with me through my upcoming surgery, August 14th.

We’ll keep ya posted.

God bless ya,

HALLELUJER!!!! … VICTORY BELL RINGER RIGHT UP IN HERE, Y’ALL!

Posted by teambuna

Sing it, Madea! “HALLELUJER”, indeed!!!!! And “Praise da Lort”

Yesterday was a day we felt would NEVER come. Yesterday marked, Lord willing (as my Hubbie always reminds me to say an remain hopeful), my last day… EVER… of CHEMO!!!

Can I get a WHOOP!!! WHOOP?!?!

Yesterday, today, and always… I feel just like “SNL’s Mary Katherine Gallagher… SUPERSTAR”

We ended up bringing the whole crew, yes, all 5 kiddos to the infusion suite or my ENTIRE treatment. (It was, to say the least, a little bonkers. But, I’d say, all in all, they were pretty well behaved. It just meant A LOT of trips to the snack table while “Sidekick” & “Sunshine” fixed food for their younger sibs (especially the eyes-too-big-for-her-stomach 4 year old “Firecracker”… OY!), and many, many, MANY trips with Daddy to go for ~~walks~~ sprints across the sky run, tunnel over the street that connects to the hospital just across the street. (The girls fashionably refer to it as “The Runway“, I like that better, as I has to go back and forth across it a few times after being admitted whether on a bed or in a wheel chair when not at my best. I merely slapped a pretty chemo beanie on my bald, sick head and closed my eyes to imagine it was the fancy runway that they had dreamed it up to be. Voila! Imaginary world achieved. Ya see, my kids were so good for me this year. Right up until the end. It truly was perfect to have them there for that last moment. Here’s a few pics of the day…

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This water bottle (a gift from a friend) came with me to every chemo, radiation and will keep coming to my surgery ahead) It keeps me focused as to WHO i am fighting for!

MY “CANCER BUTT KICKIN SHOES ” . Chosen by my girls to wear to wear to each infusion 😉

our thank you sign for all of MBP

it was, at one point, a big batch of brownies which we shared for all of the infusion suite, bringing a plate also to my Radiation team over on the other side, too. Can’t forget that crew!

………..

We may have caused a bit of a commotion.

But we also did some good over there on my last day, I think??

At least, we tried when we…

-1–

Brought the cuteness factor and some smiles to a lot of faces that needed it. Even when it meant watching my 19 month old do her new trick for everyone of bending over to do see how long she can stay upside down with her head on the ground (some developmental thing I’m sure.. every toddler’s gotta do it!). They brought the joy!

-2–

handed out freshly many of my washed, bagged, Chemobeanies, tied up in pretty ribbons by my sweet daughter “Sunshine” who wanted it to be her mission to pass them out to any patients there who I helped her decide who she could approach to ask if they’d like to choose one. Many of which welcomed her with tears and a hug. What a big heart she has. So proud of that little “Mother Theresa”. She brought the “Sunshine” for sure.

-3-

My husband and my family helped me bring this year full circle. Without being a wife and a mother, I don’t know what I would have done. If cancer had taken that away from me, it would have taken my spirit. They gave me my focus, my will to keep going. Because of them, I always had more on my plate and on my mind to know why I needed to fight harder, get out of bed and get going, find the joy, put my best foot forward, and know that there’s something better just out side my bedroom door than what’s milling around in my head or my body. They were worth fighting for.

-4-

We brought hope… and we brought reality? We spoke with families around us. We are far from the norm in there. And that’s ok. A lot of people looked at us and said, over and over, “If y’all could do this, we can do this, right?” They asked if I got sick, they asked if I had help, they asked if maybe I didn’t have as many treatments or something or if my stage was a small one. I answered them all. “I had stage 3, borderline stage 4 breast cancer”, “I got very sick”, “Thankfully I had a lot of help, but It’s still us all through the night, with sick and waking kids and early mornings getting kids ready for school, or summers, etc…. But, we kinda get used to juggling and it always works out. God gives us the grace.” Most importantly, I told them, the people here, at MBP are like family. They get you through and gave me all I needed when I knew nothing about this. That’s just when they came to say my drip was done and my nurse, the same guy who started my very first drip during “Chemo School” ended my very last. At that moment, I stopped talking to my friend in the next chair and just started to cry.

We were no longer the ones bringing the love to anyone there. I realized how much love, care, and LIFE those nurses, those patients next to me, those volunteer, my friends Patti and Lisa who check me in, and even that darn “drip” were keeping me going this year. It was right when I looked up and saw it … stop, that I felt the strangest rush come over me. I was on my own now. The drip wasn’t going to keep me going anymore. This team had given me what I needed. Now it was my family and me. Like leaving a hospital with a brand new baby and waving goodbye to the nurses, I felt excited, and scared all at once. I stopped to cry with my head in my hands as he disconnected my port. Then hugged my children… hard. Then took a deep breath and shook it off, and began getting ready for the next step… our next “scheming plan” for our celebration to ring the hell out of the bell….

-5-

As you saw the super loaded backpack on the wee little “Snuggles“, she held “The Dude’s” secretly stuffed with pirate paraphernalia to out-pirate the pirate docta when rang the bell. As you can see below, it was a success. For once, we caught him NOT IN A COSTUME! But who was? The TEAM BUNA PIRATE crew, strapped on our eye patches, held our Pirate swords high, and with a “YO HO HO, and a great big ARRRR”, we approached the bell ready to RING THE VICORY BELL in honor of the man, DR.JAY SAUX, welcomed me aboard his pirate ship, along some stormy seas, and through a YEAR OF INFUSIONS, steered me home. I know he’ll continue to take care of me and wave another flag of victory at the 5 year mark for the cure. So it is to him, our CAPTAIN OF OUR CREW AND ALL THE BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING NURSES, VOLUNTEERS, RECEPTIONISTS, TECHS AND ASSISTANTS…THAT WE SAY “ARRRRRRRRRR, ME MATEY!” AND THANK YOU!!!!!!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU…

(still working on the video… will try and get that uploaded here later. Sorry! technical difficulties, that this “chemo brain” just can’t get together at the moment, especially after yesterday. Sheesh!)

…………………………..

Anywho…

That’s about how that all went, a lil’ chemo, a lil’ dress up time’, a lil’ bell ringing (well, a lot of it – EVERY kiddo rang the bell! ), and a lil’ ice cream with the cousins after to celebrate before Mommy went home to sleep the day away. Woo hoo! Aren’t I just a ball-o-fun?!

No worries, we’re makin plans for some real celebrations. That’s an order!

So what’s next?

TUNE IN IN AUGUST FOR UPDATES ON THE TRUE AND FINAL LAST LEGS….

-1-

PET SCANS:

first week of August

-2-

HOPEFUL LAST MAJOR SURGERY (2ND PHASE 1 RECONSTRUCTION):

second week of August. more details later. it’ll be another doozy. but want to get this over with now. get ‘er done, right? then when we hit the fall… it’s party time! moving on to TRUE LIVING!!!!!

THANK YOU to EVERYONE who has prayed us through this year and more. With out all of you generosity in soooo many ways we can’t even count, I know I couldn’t have made it to this point. I’m humbled, I’m blessed, and I’m unstoppable now!!!

TEAM BUNA AIN’T DONE YET.

AFTER MY SURGERY IN AUGUST…. I’M GONNA GO BIG OR GO HOME..

PAY IT FORWARD, PRAY IT FORWARD AND MORE!!!!