This speaks to me.  I mean.. sure, we’re surrounded by tons of touching deep thoughts  and quotes on Pinterest and Facebook (which no doubt, I’ll be posting here and there in this article), but coffee first thing in the morning… without even asking for it??  That touches the depths of my soul.  Mama loves her coffee. Why?

Seriously though, the little things are what make my world go ’round.  It’s finding the extraordinary in the ordinary.  It’s just a year and a month (but who’s counting) since I was first diagnosed with “The Big C” and I’m just starting to get a taste of my “Big Come Back” to normal (or my “new normal” after so much change … and growth in my life and my whole world, really).  And all I really want to do is

THE LITTLE THINGS.

After last month’s big ol’ surgery,  I’m in awe of how much the tiniest parts of my daily life really affect my mood and make or break me (especially if I haven’t had my love affair with my cup of coffee each morning). I can feel and take on the world totally positivel and full of hope all day, but… the witching hour approaches (5 o’clock seems to be the first round with a daily dinner and dance party break before round 2 strikes at BEDTIME!  Oy!) and one by one, we can really fall apart.  We’re ALL tired, my body gives in… and BAM!  Perfect formula for a cray cray mama!

Yup. Crazy mama normally just needs a glass of vino

… and it’s totally because of this:

Thank you, Jim Gaffigan, for continuing to put so much of our family life into a comedy sketch (See: “Mr.Universe” on Netflix, OR read “Dad is Fat” for hurt your belly laughter!)

YET,

THE TRUTH IS, IT DOESN’T LAST LONG BECAUSE…

THERE’S ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS

SOMETHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR!

(may sound cliché, but it’s totally true)

Each week, since my most recent surgery, I get a “reward for good behavior”.  At least, that’s how I’ve coined it.  For example, my new freedoms and the carrot dangled before me each week thus far is listed below:

…………….

FIRST WEEK: Get to go home after 5 days/5 nights in the hospital…

SECOND WEEK: 3 of 4 drains removed in the office; last one removed by my hubbie (that took a lot of convincing for me to go with that one.  So it turns out, he was quite the handy doc!)

THIRD WEEK: Get to switch from the snazzy thigh-to-ribs girdle from the hospital to some good compression Spanx and/or abdominal binder… (look out!  gettin’ crazy over here!)

FOURTH WEEK: no longer have to sleep sitting up .. AND… no more blood pressure cuff machine on my ankles.  FREEDOM!!!

FIFTH WEEK (currently): Get to pick up my bambino, “Snuggles” again; thus, can watch her all by myself for half of the day, like a real life grown up again!   

*Who knows, maybe next week I’ll have her on my own ALL DAY, and may even get out of any binders or compression wear.  Watch out, people!  I just may throw a party!!!!*

…………….

Every week, every little “reward” or new freedom … seems like the biggest deal ever.  It’s a big deal to me, because it means…

MAMA’S BACK!

This week, when my doc told me that I could hold my sweet baby again, I hung up the phone, rushed through the whip and nae nae dance partaaay that was happening in my living room, and scooped her right up, tears in my eyes and all!  Ya know what she did?  Melt my heart, she hugged me so hard and repeated over and over again, “Mommy hold-a-me! Mommy hold-a-me!” She knew.  She knew this past month that we could only hold hands as we walked around.  She (and all of her siblings) knew to grab a pillow to put against me if she wanted to sit on my lap, so as to not bump or hurt me.  She knew that if I wanted to hold her, Daddy needed to do the lifting and hold her up while I wrapped my arms around her and pretended to hold her.  As I scooped her up, she looked around, and upon noticing no one else was there but the two of us… she knew Mommy’s makin’ a come back!

It felt so darn good.

With that, I began my own little list of all the “little things” that I wanted to do that I haven’t done in so long.  Some items may, to you, be recognizably monumental, and some may seem totally trivial. But to me,  it means the coast is clear.  It means that if I’m doing it, I must not have another treatment today.  If I do it, it’s because I’m the mama and I’m able to be the mama… with nothing holding me back.  It means … freedom!!!! (not rubbing it in to those of you just beginning or in the middle of your journey, but to let ya know the rewards that lie ahead!)

#DanglingTheCarrot

#iThinkiCaniThinkiCaniKnowiCaniKnowiCan

So here’s just a few on my list.  Be they little or be they big,  I’m gonna make it happen.

BUNA’S “LITTLE THINGS” TO DO LIST:

*Start going to Sidekick’s games to watch her cheer just like her mama; throw the football with The Dude; get Sunshine in the ballet shoes and tutu she’s always wanted and build that Princess castle craft she’s been holding out to do with me; swing and play more in the backyard with Firecracker and Snuggles

*Put Snuggles down for naps and bedtime again (I can do that now!)

*Clean out my Swagger-wagon (mini-van) from the wreckage that the kids have committed this past year while Mama wasn’t watchin

*Reclaim my kitchen again: clean out the cabinets, and put things back where they go! (Weird lil’ O.C.D. obsession of a woman and her kitchen)

*Cook more for the kids & with the kids like we did B.C. (Before Cancer)

*Exercise!!! (Hubbie and I met at a gym.  It’s a fave hobby.  Our sport)

*Do some house projects! (Been eyeing the funky/dirty tan paint on the walls (that we never painted since moving) while wiped out on the couch so often this year – amongst other painting projects, help with the 1/2 built clubhouse in the backyard, and  attempt some pinteresty DIY stuff I’ve pinned in the iPad while in the infusion chair)

and MOST OF ALL…

*HAVE A MAJOR CELEBRATION OF LIFE TRIP TO DISNEY!!! (The ultimate “eye on the prize” reward for never giving up that we promised the kids since the beginning of all of this mumbo jumbo.  Never knew how we’d swing such a big trip, but where there’s a will, there’s a way.  No turning back on this promise now!)

*… and many, many  more!

……

The world is looking brighter and brighter with every week that I’ve recovered more, every new eyelash and eyebrow follicle that begins to grow again, every evening that I’m still awake and up and about to hang out with my Hubbie again (after a year of him watching shows next to a snoring wife), and every day that I can wake up to another morning because I’M ALIVE to see it!

God is good … all the time.

All the time …  God is good.

Infinite thanks to everyone for praying our family through.

Without further adieu,

May I present to you, my fellow classmates and MODELS…

YouNIGHT Empowering Events Class of 2015:

Now, a few gals are missing here, but you can be sure to see them when you GET YOUR TICKETS and watch us

ROCK THE RUNWAY on

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 22ND

(details below… Click invite below to be brought to website for TICKETS!)

*** as noted, prices increase after September 1st***

………

WHAT’S THIS ALL ABOUT?

A runway show? Modeling? What’s up with all this?… When did 24 Cancer survivors (Yup. That’s how many cancer “butt-kickers” will be workin’ it on that stage) find the time to invest in a modeling career AND kick cancer to the curb?

Well, here’s the deal.  “YouNight Empowering Events”  is a program that invites cancer SURVIVORS (That term defines women, AND MEN now, too!… We have 2 handsome fellas in our class this year) that may be at the end of their treatment, just finished, or have survived it years ago.  A survivor is a SURVIVOR!  And this program gives them a chance to SHINE!

Did I get cheesy there? Maybe.  But seriously,  when patients go through what they go through… they can experience some pretty dark days.  When you’re rolling along in the middle of your life, and … BOOM… your diagnosis lands before you like a BOMB, you’re forced to face the unknown.  You have no choice, but to let go of your control, let go of your previous idea of what your motherhood (or fatherhood) looked like,  let go of the way you did things, the way you put food on the table, the way you put things away in your house, let go of whether or not you wanted people to help (not that you’re ungrateful, but it’s a sacrifice of so much of your independence), let go of the way you dressed (because you didn’t feel good enough to care or because your port showed when you put that shirt on or hurt under those straps), or even let go of the way you wore your hair (because you didn’t have any). It’s a lot to let go of. Without asking. … Cancer could very possibly put out that light that once shined very brightly for a lot of people.

But in my experience… Cancer was a blessing.

In my experience… Cancer lit up areas in my family’s life that we had trouble lighting up before.

Cancer was very, very, VERY humbling.

Yet, Cancer was … somehow… some way… very

EMPOWERING,

ENCOURAGING,

and oddly enough…

HEALING!

This program, “YouNight”” (click the link for their Facebook Page), confirms so much of what I felt all throughout my journey this past year.  When I first felt my lump, I just knew that “every little thing was gonna be alright”.  Everyone kept asking for a miracle, and I knew there would be one, but (sorry to be so redundant on this point) I didn’t think it would be some crazy healing of my body, but it would be miraculous, in part, just in the very fact that so many people were praying!  I felt the healing had to happen in my family because, previously in my life, I had struggled with body and self image issues, and although I’ve always been a very positive person (always wanting to be out and about with friends, never wanting to miss a thing, out there living and loving life) I still felt myself to be lesser than others, or not “pretty enough”, not as good as, etc.  I grew up striving for everything, never giving up and encouraging everyone else to do the same.  However, when I came home, I’d pick myself apart thinking, “Why’d you say that?.. do that? not say that?… not do that?, etc.” It’s a vicious, vicious cycle that so many of us, especially women, do to ourselves.

When I gave birth to my first born, A GIRL, I was so scared.  Not to be a mom.  I was thrilled for that!  But being that she was A GIRL, I was afraid that she’d struggle with the same crud that I did.  But I knew there was a reason God didn’t give a boy to this tomboy mama. SHE made me want to be better. She made me take a look at myself and HEAL. …  But clearly God has a sense of humor and knew I needed more motivation than just ONE GIRL.  I now have FOUR GIRLS and ONE BOY (‘cuz every body needs a little flattery once in a while, too, right?!).

Breast Cancer was my answer, my opportunity, and my miracle.

When I lost my hair, I knew that NOW WAS MY CHANCE to transform beauty!  We talked about how Mommy’s eyes and smile were still going to be the same.  My hugs were the same.  My laugh was the same.  My voice, my stories, my… everything else was the same.  It was only hair.  Hair doesn’t make the person beautiful.  Inside makes you beautiful.  (Take a look back at my blog the day I first shaved my head (into a Mohawk, first, of course), and once all was gone, asked the kids to draw pics of how my kids “saw” me even without hair: OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD: HAIR TRANSFORMATION, or when my son first was brave enough to “pet my head”: THE DUDE: HE MAKES ME, HE BREAKS ME, or my favorite: VANITY OF VANITES: WHO NEEDS HAIR.)  They got it.  And we’ll all be forever changed because of this year.  My daughters will grow and move on with a stronger foundation knowing who they are as truly beautiful women of God, and my son can confidently look in the mirror himself knowing what’s important and, hopefully, treat and look at girls as “ladies” and with respect.  All because of little ol’ cancer.

……

After all that, when I learned about YouNight, and all that they do, not just “the night of”, but for months before the event even happens, I learned that they bring the models together for workshops, photo shoots, FUN nights, offer opportunities of healing with ministers, retreat days, etc.,  I was all about it! (‘Cuz I gotta admit, before I knew all the info, my former self tried to speak out and say, “NO! Don’t do it.. You’re no model. What’ll people say?” But I didn’t have time for that, my friend, Angelle Albright, ya know from ChemoBeanies? She signed me up before I even knew about it anyway! Haha! So glad she did! Angelle to the rescue … AGAIN!) ‘Cuz they’re about so much more than flashy clothes and pretty poses.  They’re healing survivors at the end of a long journey.  Cleaning them up after climbing Mt. Everest, giving them water and nourishment from the inside out and getting them back out there with a new-found FAMILY of fellow climbers to say “WE DID IT!”

  So,  is”YouNight Empowering Events“ just some show about cancer survivors not feeling sorry for themselves anymore just because they slapped a few fancy clothes on us and let us prance around??

HECK NO!  WE WOULDN’T DO THAT!

It’s about showing cancer who’s boss because we turned a crappy situation around and made something that was supposed to be terrible into

AN OPPORTUNITY FOR STRENGTH, HEALING AND LIFE!!!

And, yes, it’s also a “Red Carpet Night” for a bunch-o-bad asses.  Pretty sure God approves that one.  He’s on our team.  I know that, or else we wouldn’t be here.

Which is another reason to check us out with our kick ass butt “boxing” theme this year!  ‘Cuz cancer didn’t stand a chance in the ring with us!

(Sorry, David and Charles.  But it’s without saying that we know you Guys can put up your dukes!)

Besides, it’ll be FUN!  Food, Drinks, Pre-party, After party, Dancing!!!, Goofy photo booths!, (of course the modeling in between!!) and 24 Survivors lookin’  “red carpet fabulous” (thanks to the generosity of local boutiques, salons, and make-up artists) that I invite you to PLEASE come and CHEER FOR, introduce yourselves to, and pray for them and their families. Not to mention, many of our fantastic doctors and nurses will be there for you to meet and high-five for an above and beyond, miraculous…. genious… (need I say more?) job well done. Bring a friend, bring a family member, bring someone you know who’s recently been diagnosed.  I came to the show last year during my 2nd round of chemo and was. in. AWE.  It totally inspired me to beat this thing.

BUY A TICKET, Show some support to this incredible cause of changing,  empowering and continuing the healing process of what can sometimes be an even sneakier aftermath that follows AFTER CANCER.  YouNight has moved to the Castine Center for the first time not only with the hopes to invite more people to come support the models/survivors, but to hopefully have the funds to INVITE MORE SURVIVORS to be a part of the experience.  I 100% support this program and hope more people can experience it, too, whether they’re in the audience… or  are one day up on that runway.  Either way… GET YOUR TICKETS AND GET READY TO ROCK IT WITH US!!!

**Scroll below for behind the scenes PICS AND VIDEOS of our class never missing an opportunity to have a good time.  And to think, this is only the beginning of our “YouNight Process”  It’s gonna be such a fun ride!  I’ve been told I have a pretty “toothy grin” already, just wait ’til I’m on that runway.  I’ll be showin’ my molars!  (And bustin’ some moves, I’m sure! Can’t help it.)**

SEE YA THERE!!!

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VIDEO 1: Photo shoot Goofballs During Magazine Photo Shoot

I call this one, “Cancer You can’t Have ‘Dis No’Mo’!”

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VIDEO 2: Highlighting “Our Guys”

The Most Interesting Men In St. Tammany

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Good Times With Our New “Fam”