teambuna

It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to post, merely because I, like everyone else in this world, have barely had a moment to myself to sit and write. Who knows if I’ll finish this in one sitting?

However, I did want to take a sec during this week of Thanksgiving to just say how truly OBSESSIVELY GRATEFUL I am right now. And sure, this isn’t exactly my favorite turn of events for my Thanksgiving week, as it is the week of my 4th round of chemo (meaning that I’m just hitting the nausea and over all “yucks”) and probably won’t be joining my family for Thanksgiving feasting this week. Yet, even in the midst of all of the storms stirring around us, I can’t deny how good and how present God not only in His very own spirit, but through the hands and feet of so many around us.

Because (forgive me if this next meme offends ya, but just toss it off to my bizarre humor), normally in my life, I forget to lean on others and truly trust on God. Instead, I impulsively attempt to take matters in my own hands like a lil’ control freak without even realizing it! All the time, I think I’m being so helpful when really I’m scary as hell, kinda like this. Haha!

(cue my girl, Madea)

Since that obviously wouldn’t work out too well, Jesus ever so kindly surrounds me with a whole village to keep my crazy self in check. ‘Cuz clearly the Big Guy upstairs is never too busy. No matter how big or how small our needs. For real though!

I just couldn’t pass that one up. As Uncle Jesse on Full House would say, “Have mercy!”

BAHAHAHAHA!

Anywho…if no one has gone off and called the cops and is still reading, I’ll continue.

All in good fun, my friends. If ya can’t laugh, whatcha gonna do?

The reality of my gratitude, and my Madea humor stems from a place much more like this:

Shouldn’t that alone be enough? I’m not just talking about myself, but for all of us.

Each morning, I pray with my kids,

“Thank you, Lord, for waking us up again today.

Thank you for another beautiful day to be together again.

May we be a light of Christ to all we meet.

And may we see that light of Christ in all we meet,

Especially in our own family, in one another.

Amen.”

No matter what’s going on in our lives; no matter how overwhelmed we can be with our own crud; what’s going on in the world around us; or what can start to weigh us down when we start reciting all of the many, many prayer intentions that we hold in our hearts for so many people… we have to LET GO AND LET GOD. Letting go of each of our intentions and giving it to HIM, allows Him to do what He can with it. He can’t if we’re still holding on. Besides, it only keeps us focused on what’s wrong.

Rather than let our intentions bog us down, we need to let it all lift us up so that we can be that light in the world. Starting each day with a prayer of thanksgiving and looking through a lens of gratitude of what’s right in our lives helps our family remember that there truly is ALWAYS something to be thankful for and sets us on course to be lights in the world! At least, we try. (Haha! That is, before I have to tell someone to stop pinching someone during prayer time. I mean, we do have 5 young kiddos, ya know.)

My Gratitude List:

-My family (of course!!! They keep me going every day!)

-my AMAZING friends (I love you all!)

-This community who continues to pray for us, FEED us, keep us stocked with donations or gift cards for food and fun, and always let’s us know we ARE NOT ALONE!!! We could never properly thank this community enough. So we promise instead to pray for you all in return and pay it forward always.

-The many other warriors I continue to meet at the MARY BIRD PERKINS CANCER CENTER, or through my blog, Facebook, etc. that are such inspiration to me!

-My You Night Sisters and family who are such tremendous support

-Families out there facing such varieties of challenges of all sorts that we pray can share the graces and blessings that we receive in prayer, so that we can all be united in our common thread for HOPE!!

-My DOCTORS, NURSES, MEDICAL TEAM who continue to take stellar care of me and I know will stick with me to kick this thing! Y’all are amazing!

– The BUNA’s HOPE/TEAM BUNA crew who’ve come together to pack 100+ boxes (all on donations of supplies and service), delivered over 50 boxes to various missions so far, over 35 boxes to individual families in need, and they just keep going. We are blessing families in need all over, and the reward that this community who are all involved in the process (kids and adults alike) is even greater! SEE TEAM BUNA FB PAGE FOR PICS

…………………

I’M GRATEFUL BECAUSE EVEN IN OUR WEAKNESSES, WE ARE ALL STRONG TOGETHER. WE ARE STILL:

–FIGHTING TOGETHER FOR POSITIVE CHANGES, NOT ONLY IN OUR BODIES, BUT IN OUR FAMILIES, & FOR EACH OTHER

-REACHING OUT TO ONE ANOTHER TO SHARE HOPE, LOVE, LAUGHTER, AND FAITH

-IN OUR OWN BROKENNESS, WE ARE FINDING HEALING IN WORKING AND PRAYING TOGETHER.

-WE’RE MAKING WHAT WOULD SEEM IMPOSSIBLE… POSSIBLE!!!

I’m FOREVER GRATEFUL to all of you for being on this journey with me… AGAIN, and for sticking with me. It’s been one long and crazy roller coaster ride, and it just keeps going.

But, we’re making every moment count, and I promise, I’ll make sure you’ll appreciate every moment with us. Not because I’ve got this, but because…

#GodsGotThis

#EveryLittleThingIsGonnaBeAlright

HAVE A VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

This was me, just two months ago, on my way home from having my new port placed. I could just eek out a wittle baby ponytail when I wanted to show off my healthy hair to my kiddos. After losing my hair once through chemotherapy, I had carefully planned each ~~inch~~ ~~centimeter~~ millimeter of hair growth as my blonde locks came back. As traumatic as it may seem to have lost my hair, I can honestly say that we made the most of every lock. I was determined to make it a fashion challenge and embrace the challenge head on (Pun intended. Ha!). When my hair wanted to grow back like an old monk (thick and quickly growing on the back and sides… nothing on top), I said …

“We’ve been through enough already, ain’t no way I’m gonna have a mullet, too!”

So I continued to trim the nape of my neck, ensuring that it looked like even growth all around.

When it was first inching back, once I had a fully covered head… BAM!

I dyed it platinum blonde and tossed my beanies and scarves to the side.

(Yet something deep down told me to save my favorites. Now I know why.)

Excited and nervous as I wait for my baby hairs to go platinum!

My kids appreciated every cut that I did on the way to baldness, as well as my outlandish wigs to keep life interesting (No normal wigs for me, I preferred the “go big or go home” approach. Usually “going big” meant platinum afro-tastic!).

Me and the Hubbie letting the good times roll at Mardi Gras

We had our fun in every moment, whenever we could. In fact, sometimes, when I felt my worst, this whole mind-set made me get up early to seize the day before it could seize me. I’d push that much harder, find a wig that was that much bigger and more colorful, and wake the kids up for breakfast with pizzazz! It cheered us up and kept us going. My many looks were so much more than a “look”, it was a feeling and a way of life, really.

Boho Bald, Wildly Wiggin’ Out, Sassy in Scarves, Happy in a Hat… you name the look, and I came up, out, and over of my fears and self-conscious anxieties to live my life to the fullest each day and not waste time worrying about what I was missing on my head. It’s only hair, after all.

Yes. It’s only hair.

At times, that statement is far easier to say than to put into practice. After all, I’ve spent a fortune at my favorite salon on highlights or lowlights, or the perfect hair cut just to lift my spirits and make me feel good about myself. I’ve always been willing to spend more on my hair than my clothes because I could work with sprucing up an old outfit or finding an awesome sale on my threads, but my hair was a different story. My hair sat right on my head, plain as day. There are only so many pony tails that I could throw my bad hair days into before I’d get sick of them or have a headache from pulling it back all day. You can only hide a bad hair cut for so long. Therefore, I could always justify spending my bucks there.

And in the blink of an eye, I had to part with my blonde identity that I’d invested well in. I’d had thick blonde hair for all of my life. It’s part of how I matched my mom, and what I felt was the real connection to identify me as a twin with the only one out of my five kiddos who has my fair genes.

My strawberry blonde Firecracker and Me on a field trip last month.

The truth is, as we found during the last go ’round, and we’re finding again now:

MY HAIR DOES NOT MAKE ME WHO I AM.

Once my hair was gone, my little twin and I still had matching blue eyes and big ol’ smile. The same goes for my mom. My kids still noticed my goofy laugh and the way I still hugged them the same. Losing my hair did not change my desire to find something funny in all situations, dance with my family each night in our living room (Or with anyone anywhere that there’s music, really!), wake up at the crack of dawn to squeeze my kids one more time before school or chat with them after school about their day, enjoy playing with my friends any chance I could get or stay up late at night (no matter how tired I am) to hang out with my husband. Hair did not dictate any part of my personality. Without it, I was still “me”. In fact, knowing that it was gone and there was little I could do about it gave me a sense of freedom! It no longer kept me from being self-conscious of bad hair days, spending cash on fixing it up, or fiddling with it while I talked with people. Heck! It drastically cut down my time to get ready. Now I just throw on my clothes and go! Game changer.

So with that lesson learned during our last bout with cancer and chemo, I knew I’d be ok once I lost it again.

As much as my kids have wanted me to grow my hair down to my toes (which I may attempt again once I finish my initial rounds of chemo), they also knew that (in the long run) we were all going to be ok. Because after all, it really is…

ONLY HAIR.

……………………….

GOOD BYE HAIR (TAKE TWO)… IN PICTURES:

So with all that in mind, I’ll let my pictures tell the story of just how we went about the strategic planning and action of kissing my locks good-bye. Yes, there was a method to my madness. Why “waste my time”? Because I’ll be darned if I was going to let cancer take control of how and when I lost my hair. Nope. There’s more than enough things that I’ve had to let go of and give up my control. This was one thing that, although inevitable, I could choose how and when the ~~cards~~ locks fell. This was one thing that we got to not only decide, but enjoy while it lasted! And yes, once again, I needed to check off more life accomplishments/bragging rights to having multi-colored hair and a mohawk.

Because…. WHY THE HECK NOT?

Here’s to hoping this inspires you or someone you know to make the most of any and every situation.

Top Left: My almost bob-length hair when diagnosed the second time. Other 3 Pics: My first new edgy cut (1 of many on my “Mama’s New Do” Pinterest Board 😉

High and Tight: Last fun cut at the salon before the Mohawk and crazy colors

PURPLICIOUS: Following through with my deal to my 12 year old. Her only request was the color purple. Deal.

My personal jab at the inching towards to Mohawk. Yup. Started the process on my own. My hubbie finished off the job of the true Mohawk!

ROCK N’ ROLL: My hubbie shaved my Mohawk early before waking up the kids. Freshly washed out my purple to leave a just a pink tint… because it is breast cancer awareness month and all.

IT’S NOT JUST A PHASE: Since Mom told me I could never have blue hair when I was a kid… I just had to do a little blue one last time. I mean, it is my favorite color.

………………..

And finally… our head shaving “party”:

My pal at Paris Parker salon (who gave me my last two fabulous cuts) ame over to shave my head. The whole family took a turn cutting a lock, and the kids drew pics after of all the cool thing that they still see once I was bald. We hugged long and hard after. But in the end… I was and am now, still Mommy.

Needed a robe to catch the hair. Why not wear my BOXING ROBE from when I walked with the YOU NIGHT CLASS OF 2015? Seemed only fitting since I’m about to kick cancer’s tail!

#YouNightEmpoweringEvents

#YouNightFightClub

#TakeThatCancer

Taking one last glance at my hairy head while Shanna gets the clippers ready.

Everyone got to cut one lock…

…even the two year old!

And just like that… it was gone.

I can always cover my head with multiple choices of pretty and fun accessories. My personal fave are the comfy and stylish CHEMOBEANIES.

But at home, I’m most often found BALD AND FREE. Thank God for no dents or bumps. I’m comfortable in my own skin.. right down to the smooth skin of my shiny bald head.

However other women in my shoes may choose to embrace this process, is up to them. For us, it felt good to take matters in our own hands and seize the day. And today, is a good day. Today, I’m living more and worrying less about my shedding hair.

God bless you and all the women out there struggling with losing their hair and/or their identity. I pray they all can come to know that they are so much more than their hair.